The Inside Dope

The Inside Dope

By Iffy the Dopester

What with this bein' an election year and all, it's hard t' sit an' smoke over soine o' nature's finest without yer thoughts turnin' ever so swiftly in the direction o' Washington, D.C. and the fellers who're tryin' t' get us t' go their way next month.

The most popular candidate seems t' be a feller named Nobody. He's got lots o' magazine writers in his corner, lots o' supporters left over from the 60's, and a couple opponents who don't seem t' be doin' too much t' beat 'im in November.

The only thing is, this Mr. Nobody keeps sayin' that he ain't really in the race, so t' speak, an' that a vote cast fer him would be a vote tossed down the drain indeed.

At least he shows more sense than his good buddy. Mr. Somebody, who claims t' be in the contest even tho he kinda disappeared from public view fer a few years. Gene Somebody, I think his name is.

Now Mr. Somebody's no more in the race than Mr. Nobody, but there's a third candidate-a Mr. Ford, claims t' be the president o' the USA-who damn sure is gonna get all the votes cast in favor o' Mr. Nobody and Mr. Somebody.

That's a hell of a pity too, because all the Nobody-Somebody people think they're expressin' their true sentiments about Mr. Chevrolet an' the gang o' Nixonites he represents. They don't like that Carter feller-an' there sure is plenty o' reason not tö- but they wanna have some voice in the workin's o' their government, which ain't a bad idea neither.

Th' only thing is, if ya vote fer Nobody, ya don't get Nobody-ya get either Ford or Carter. Sorry 'bout that, but nobody told ya this wasn't America, did they?

Now you may think there ain't much difference between Nobody and Mr. Whitey Ford, but you can bet that even Nobody in the president's seat couldn't do as bad fer this country as Mr. Edsel has done in the past two years. Four more years o' that kind o' "nothin' "- no thanks, pal. I've had my fill four hundred times over.

Carter may not seem like much more than ol' Nobody hisself , but don't let appearance fool ya- he's a lot more like Mr. Somebody than either Mr. Nobody or Mr. Ford, an he'll take some o' the weight off our backs as soon as he get s in office.

Anybody who tells ya that the overall economic situation ain't gonna change if the Democrats take over from the Republicans next month must be pretty goddam well off already. Any fool knows that a government guaranteein' jobs t' th' unemployed-like the Democrats did in the 30's is a whole lot different from a government that leaves more jobs up t' the corporations that put ya outa work in the first place.

Carter's got some pretty heavy people t' answer to if he wins this election- especially folks from Detroit like Coleman Young an' Leonard Woodcock who got in there early an' staked out some o' the Democrats' federal pie fer the Motor City. You can see that Ford ain't about t' give us none- he sure has had two o' the hardest years in this city's recent history t' set some dollars out, but they do not seem to be forthcoming, as the slick lawyers say

Nobody, Somebody, Ford and Carter-a vote fer anybody but Carter is a vote fer four more years o' Ford. Watch yer step!