'i Was A Straightie'

I WAS A STRAIGHTIE

EDlTORS'S NOTE: Some readers have complained that this newspaper is too preoccupied with the "lunatic fringe" (e.g. cops, college administrators, etc). Nevertheless, we believe that "straightness' has not been properly understood, although it has received much sensational publicity of late. We cannot close our eyes to the fact that many people in the Bay Area live this way of life, and may be a profound influence on our children.

In an attempt to get the truth about the straight world, BARB sent two of its most devious reporters Into the strange, shadow-world of the straights - one for San Francisco, the other for Berkeley. Each shaved off his beard, cut his long locks, and wore shoes and socks for a whole week while he tried to penetrate the exotic world of straightness. Their reports follow.

****

When I left my beard and long hair behind In the barber shop, I began to enter the strange, sexless subculture of the straights.

It Is a world where a "joint" is a place to drink, where a "roach" is an Insect. It Is a world devoid of sex, devoid of color. A world where "dropping acid" means "run, there's a clumsy chemist with a Jar of sulphyric."

A world where "Lizzle" refers to Richard Burton's wife. A world where "hip" is part of the pelvic anatomy, a world where "ball" Is a formal dance.

As you can see from the above, the first thing one must do is to master a bizarre argot, which is akin to learning a new language.

I decided to go to a straight hangout, so I picked the basement of Larry Blake's Rathskeller on Telegraph. The scene was a strange one. Tall young men dressed In white shirts, rolled at the sleeves and open at the collar, wearing cotton chinos, white wool socks, and tennis shoes. God, I thought, how can people dress this way?

But I tried to clear my mind of preconceptions and engaged several of the young men in conversation. They ordered a pitcher of (ugh) beer.

One of the flrst questions anyone asks you is what you do for a living or what you intend to do for a living when you get out of school. This seems to be. a very important question to them, and they will not carry on the simplest conversation without first eliciting this Information.

"So you see, one of them was saying, "we have to bomb Hanoi. Fighting a war with a no-win policy is self-defeating. And if the Reds take Southeast Asia, the next thing you know they're at our doorstep."

I had to reflect. Likable as this young man was, It was sadly obvious how deeply he was out of touch with reality. But, like people everywhere, the straights have their own code, their own hallucinations, their own tribal ethic.

They hope to change the world by a concept they call "gunpower". I guess it's akin to flower power, but I really don't understand what it is intended to accomplish.

The subject turned to sex. The young man was saying, "If I ever caught a guy screwing my sister, I'd cut his balls off."

I tried not to look shocked, and asked him why he thought his sister should not enjoy herself. The other men exchanged knowing looks and I shut up.

The sexual code of the straights is beyond belief.

NEXT WEEK: 'Sexual Code of the Straights: The Dear Abby Syndrome."

Reprinted from the Berkeley BARB

Letter to the Editor reprinted from the East Village Other (New York City)